It Never Ends

You think it’s over.  You tell the cashier at Shopper’s Drug Mart that this is it.  The last item on your Christmas shopping list.  You go home to celebrate.  You begin wrapping everything up and realize…


I still need to get a basket to put all this person’s stuff in, because it’d be weird if they opened them up individually.  Individually, it’s a weird gift, but in a basket, it makes sense.

This person’s basket looks to empty, I should go buy more chocolate to fill it up, or something like that.  Maybe a candle?

This person didn’t get as much stuff as this person.  They’re going to think I like this person more than them.  I’d better go buy them something else so they don’t get that impression.

I hope I don’t see this person until this time, because I won’t have a gift ready for them in time.

Oh shoot, I keep forgetting to send those Christmas cards I’d written at least a week ago.  There’s no way they’ll get them on time for Christmas now.  Should I even bother sending them?

It.  Never. Ends.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve everybody!  I need to go find more baskets.

Turn that Sketch into a Short Story!

I’ve been down a bit lately with regards to our sketch troupe falling apart.  I had all these ideas for sketches.  Even when I didn’t have any ideas, I knew that if there was a show coming, I could sit in front of my computer and come up with something funny for the show.

But now, without a sketch troupe with which to perform, I’ve decided to turn my sketch ideas into short stories.  The first one I’m working on is Christmas-themed, which is good because there’s no way I’d be able to stage it on time before Christmas.  Once we start school up again, people will have moved on from the whole Holiday thing. (Ah, How fleeting is our time?…)

I don’t know if the humour I wish to depict on stage via sketch performers will translate as well onto the page.  Maybe it’ll be more difficult when it’s not possible to see the reactions on the actors’ faces.

Hopefully readers’ imaginations are still capable of visualizing such emotional responses in their minds…, if the piece is written well enough!

Ooooh.  New challenges!

Extremely Short Story

Shopping Hell – Thy name is Toronto

Christmas shopping in Toronto is Satan’s nephew.

Why are the stores in the Eaton Centre so small?  That mall is gigantic!  You could maybe expand the space for the good gift-buying stores, and leave out the waste-of-space stores (ALDO Accessories?  Just sell that shit at ALDO, wtf!  The money’s going to the same place at the end of the day anyway!) AND, those stores that do have a shitload of space normally, just cram the aisles filled with pre-fashioned-together box sets of crap in bulk.  (I’m looking at you, Body Shop.)

How pathetic is HMV looking these days?  I know you have eight million copies of Nickelback’s new album, but would it kill you to have the one album I’m looking for in stock?  Seriously?  I’m glad you’re going bankrupt, HMV. Those “Best Deals of the Year” fluorescent signs all over the place isn’t hiding that from my sight.

Dumb HMV Lady:  “Oh, I’m sorry… We’re all out of that particular product.  We’re getting a huge new shipment next week though.”

Me: “Next week.  You see how that isn’t particularly helpful for me, don’t you?”

Dumb HMV Lady: “Oh… is it a Christmas gift?”



And shame on you, Sherway Gardens.  Shame on you for SUCKING so hard.  Not a single toy for kids under the age of 3 at the Sears there.  That’s ageist.

There are stanchions in every store in Toronto.

Every. Store.


That’s how many people go into EVERY STORE in Toronto.  They need crowd control devices EVERYWHERE.  In Hallmark.  For crying out loud.  I love Hallmark, but normally only old ladies shop there.

The idea of the personal bubble evaporates during the Christmas-shopping season in the big city.  I’ve never accidentally bumped into so many people, or had to shout out EXCUSE ME so loud, or been hit by so many shopping bags in my life!  It doesn’t help everyone’s wearing their bulky winter jackets (even though it hasn’t properly begun to snow here yet, so really there isn’t the need for them quite yet)…

And after a days’ shopping.  You can count on the TTC for a most pleasant trip back home.


Christmas Vacation

Woohoo!  The Holidays are here!

I intend to get loads of reading and writing done over the Holidays (doesn’t everybody?, ha!) to make up for the fact that I’ve been crazy busy over the past few months with year 2 o’ Clown College.  I didn’t expect this year to be as challenging, mentally and emotionally (?) but alas, the first half is over and I now, I just need to make it out alive for four more months.

Four more months of gruesome competition:  Who’s play is going to be put on?  Who’s going to get to perform on the radio now that we have our new ties with XM?  Who’s sketches and plays will make it into the end-of year show and finally, who will get a coveted sport in the Industry Show at the end of the year?  That’s a lot of pressure, readers.

So again, I fully intend to take advantage of the next three weeks of vacation to recharge, because next semester is going to be insanely-nutso-busy-face!

Bring it on…


… in three weeks… I still need this break, hard.