Shopping Hell – Thy name is Toronto

Christmas shopping in Toronto is Satan’s nephew.

Why are the stores in the Eaton Centre so small?  That mall is gigantic!  You could maybe expand the space for the good gift-buying stores, and leave out the waste-of-space stores (ALDO Accessories?  Just sell that shit at ALDO, wtf!  The money’s going to the same place at the end of the day anyway!) AND, those stores that do have a shitload of space normally, just cram the aisles filled with pre-fashioned-together box sets of crap in bulk.  (I’m looking at you, Body Shop.)

How pathetic is HMV looking these days?  I know you have eight million copies of Nickelback’s new album, but would it kill you to have the one album I’m looking for in stock?  Seriously?  I’m glad you’re going bankrupt, HMV. Those “Best Deals of the Year” fluorescent signs all over the place isn’t hiding that from my sight.

Dumb HMV Lady:  “Oh, I’m sorry… We’re all out of that particular product.  We’re getting a huge new shipment next week though.”

Me: “Next week.  You see how that isn’t particularly helpful for me, don’t you?”

Dumb HMV Lady: “Oh… is it a Christmas gift?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

And shame on you, Sherway Gardens.  Shame on you for SUCKING so hard.  Not a single toy for kids under the age of 3 at the Sears there.  That’s ageist.

There are stanchions in every store in Toronto.

Every. Store.

Stanchions.

That’s how many people go into EVERY STORE in Toronto.  They need crowd control devices EVERYWHERE.  In Hallmark.  For crying out loud.  I love Hallmark, but normally only old ladies shop there.

The idea of the personal bubble evaporates during the Christmas-shopping season in the big city.  I’ve never accidentally bumped into so many people, or had to shout out EXCUSE ME so loud, or been hit by so many shopping bags in my life!  It doesn’t help everyone’s wearing their bulky winter jackets (even though it hasn’t properly begun to snow here yet, so really there isn’t the need for them quite yet)…

And after a days’ shopping.  You can count on the TTC for a most pleasant trip back home.

Pfft.

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