Palmolive Trigger

Sometimes when I’m at home washing the dishes, the smell of my Palmolive Aroma Sensations – Fresh Green Apple, triggers my memory back to my first year of university in Ottawa.  I was young & wide-eyed, and my neurotic roommate in residence used to yell at me for not doing my dishes precisely when she wanted them to be done.  She liked it so that when she woke up in the morning, she wouldn’t have to stare at my dirty dishes.  I had no problem with staring at my dirty dishes in the morning, or for three or four mornings after that if we’re being honest.

The point is, every now and then I’m reminded of her, and how much better looking she is than I. So, I head down to the nearest LCBO and engage in a pretty dangerous/fun wine drinking binge and drown away the feelings of inadequacy with the accompaniment of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way on my shitty MacBook speakers.

Lady Gaga: Not just for gay people anymore!

Maybe if I just drink the whole bottle of Palmolive… Mmm… apple-y.

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A FREE CAR!

Ever been given a car, then realized because you’ve never been insured before because you’ve been taking public transit ever since you left home for university, so you’re an at-risk driver and no insurer in his or her right mind will get you a good deal on car insurance, so you worry you’re going to dig yourself into a financial hole deeper than the one you’ve already doomed yourself into when you decided to go to clown college and start paying for car insurance two months before you graduate?

Me too.

Time

With the launch of Facebook’s new Timeline and, as time, in the real, non-social-networky world goes on, I’m beginning to realize I have a bit of an obsession with time.  Let’s add the word “time” in here one more time for good measure.  Time.

I'm making it easier and easier for you to find out everything you need to know about your next victim.

I’ve never been the greatest at managing time.  I used to sign up for many extra-curricular activities, (dance, piano lessons, army cadets, sports, improv, taxidermy, etc.)  I was out so often that some of my fondest memories are of my parents and eventually my siblings rushing me from one place to the next.  It was a regular occurrence for the driver to brake especially hard at red lights and stop signs when I was trying to put on my cadet dress uniform over top of my ballet tights in the back of the moving car.

In university, I became a bit better at managing assignments, but not until third year.  I’d had enough of all-nighters because I worked.  I needed to be (somewhat) conscious to up-sell popcorn to miserable suckers.   I began to recognize patterns in the professors’ assignment-schedules, knowing I would be given a certain amount of time to write a certain amount of essays that were all going to be due within the same week so, I’d begin writing them well in advance. By fourth (and fifth) year, I had pretty much managed it.  And if I still couldn’t finish on time, there was always bribery. Sexy, sexy bribery.

I finished school and moved to France and there, time sped up.  It started to feel as though it was going so fast I was spinning. (Note:  it might have been all that wine.)

When I came back state-side, (province-side?) I was obsessed with seeing people; staying in touch with friends I’d made in France and re-connecting with school and work friends – booking and often over-booking myself,   throwing parties at which I would try to combine all of my social circles at once in an attempt to save time and thus, kill several birds with one party-stone.

Who spiked the punch?

It is impossible to combine everything in one.  Comedy in Toronto is helping me to realize this. On any particular night, there are at least a dozen performances I can attend, either as a performer, or (more commonly) a spectator.  I can’t see them all.  I can’t do it all.  And  there are parties.  And there are other meet-ups.  And there are joke-jams.

Then, there are nights in.

Nights. In.

Sometimes they’re the simplest and the most meaningful.

Another Yuk’s Under the Belt

Last night’s Yuk’s was a ball!  Sadly, I’m stuck at home this evening memorizing a monologue & writing topical jokes, or I’d be out telling more jokes tonight.  This semester’s been busy.  I can tell this not only because of the amount of work I have due, but more visually, because my apartment is in an almost constant state of disorder.  In university, I used to clean my room as  a means of procrastinating.  Maybe I should get back into that habit, (instead of blogging to procrastinate.)

Yuk Yuk’s Humber Night – October 19 2011

This is how I get called up:

      “Your next comedian is, um… Brie Watson.”

Technically, she got it right. Yes I was next, and that is in fact my name.  But how about a little oomph please?  I walk up on stage to that and the crowd already thinks I’m going to bore them to death.

But I get up on stage and couldn’t be happier about the fact that the three people in the front row, off to the side, look like celebrities.  More specifically, they look like a blonde Justin Bieber, the bearded-guy from Modern Family (but not a red-head) and a less-coked-out Courtney Love.  Bringing this information to the audience was one of those moments I’ve heard Larry refer to as: “A gift from the comedy gods.”   Just a moment when something comes up and you just KNOW it’s going to be good and it’s going to resonate well with the crowd.  And it DID.  Which is GREAT! Because I was going up with all new material and I was worried the set would be garbage!

But this guy was blonde.

God!  I just re-listened to it.  I HATE re-listening to my sets.  The second half of it WAS garbage, I stumbled so many times.  Gotta tighten it up, that’s all.  Tighten it up.  I wonder what Larry thought of it.  I LONG FOR HIS APPROVAL.

AND for Andrew Clark’s.  That’s why I talk so freakin’ much in his class. LOVE ME, ANDREW!  Get me a gig with Breslin when I graduate this place!! Don’t send me back to Ottawa, I don’t want to go back there! I can’t do it!  I just can’t!! (Unless it’s to do gigs at Yuk Yuk’s! In which case, SEND ME BACK TO OTTAWA!! PLEASE!)

The gay dude from Modern Family!!

I think I’m starting to crack under all this pressure.

No not really.

Havin' a good day.