NOMO: An Anti-Movember Intercession

Don’t get me wrong, Movember, the fundraiser, is great. I’m all for men and women raising money and awareness to help deal with men’s cancers and the mental health issues that surround these types of illnesses.

But the act of Movember; the growing of the moustache, the questions that arise, the variety of complexities involved, well that’s a whole other bag of facial hair, if you ask me.

Here are just a few reasons I’m not so sure about Movember:

1.  I might mistake you for your father.

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Look, your Dad might have been good-looking back in the day. And I know a lot of dudes look up to their fathers. A lot of them don’t. Whatever. But I genuinely worry that you might show up, and I won’t recognize you behind your Dad’s genetically identical facial hair.

What if I call you mister? You might like it, but I don’t want to be subjected to the humiliation that would ensue.

What if we go out somewhere and someone mistakes me for your daughter?

When we got to a restaurant, people will automatically give you the bill, which given my current financial status might not be terrible, but it is inherently sexist, so we can’t be having any of that!

Worse though, what if your moustache has controlling elements on your psyche and makes you act like your father as well?  What happens then, huh?

 

2.  If you get something stuck in there, I won’t know whether or not I should tell you about it, and that might drive me crazy.

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Is it from something you ate? Did something just fall out of the sky? How did it get there? Is it food? Is it a non-food substance? What the heck is that on your face?!

So many questions as to the life-story of the crumb stuck on your upper-lip. I’m nice and all, for the most part, but I might not tell you about it just to see how it plays out.

You’re not used to facial hair.  You don’t know the weight it carries?  You could be walking around all day with an entire strip of the bacon you had at breakfast and you would just think “well, I guess my Mo’ is growin’ in nicely” but NO!  You got BACON in there, sir!

 

3.  If you can’t grow it out properly, I will likely lose respect for you.

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Yup, I can be that shallow.

If you participate in Movember and your moustache is all splotchy and uneven, I’m going to have a whole heap of criticism ready. You want to talk modern theories of masculinity?  I’ve got plenty of ammunition right here in my Feminist Political Thought background; about what it means to be a man; how you are perceived amongst your peers let alone around women,  how you should look and act, and most importantly to this circumstance, how your facial hair should represent your sense of self.

If none of that adds up, I might call you on it, bro.

4.  Regardless of if it DOES turn out OK, it will still never look as good as Nick Offerman’s.

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Mo-Perfection

… SO WHAT’S THE FRIGGIN’ POINT?!?!?!?!

5.  What if you’re ACTUALLY an old-timey prospector, and Movember is your one chance to act like yourself after years of hiding clean-shaven, in plain sight, in a time that isn’t even your own!?

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That speaks for itself, I think. How can any of moderns deal with that? I’ve seen Outlander.  That shit gets messed up.  Although it can be a little kinky at times…

 

6. How am I supposed to tell the difference between if you’re a sketchbag or just growing a moustache for Movember?

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I wanna wear your skin!

This is important for the average woman. I know it sounds terrible, but if you’re just a dude wearing a ball cap representing your favourite football team, that’s one thing. If you’re doing the same thing, the football team happens to be from the South, and you’ve got a weird moustache-thing going on, well then I have to ask myself some questions and ponder walking on the other side of the street.

 

7. And lastly, what if you decide to keep it beyond Movember?  

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I can’t even…


***

*For all intents and purposes, I do actually support Movember and agree it is a hugely worthy cause, so please support it. Here are two mo-growers to whom I’d like to encourage people to donate; my brother Nick’s mo: http://ca.movember.com/mospace/828278, or my captain Dale’s mo: http://ca.movember.com/mospace/3138449  *Sorry if I’m too late mo-bros*

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Robert Ariss Hills is a Personal Hero of Mine

Check out the fantastic artwork Rob created for Gill and my new comedy troupe:

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You can ask him to create something this wonderful for YOU too!

He also smells like LUSH constantly, which is pretty much the best thing ever.

Great Improvisors Support You All. The. Time…Even while you’re Doing the Dishes

OK folks, something you should know about me is that I HATE doing dishes. HATE it. But the tedious, mundane and often unsettlingly repugnant task was made much more tolerable this evening as I put in my earbuds and cleaned away while listening to and learning from Toronto improv sages Adam Cawley and Rob Norman’s podcast The Backline. In it, the two share their personal experiences and discuss valuable insight into the wild and wonderful craft of improv.

If you give a shit about learning improv, you should listen and take notes.

Click the image below and download the shit outta this podcast.  I’m sure the guys won’t care WHAT you’re doing while listening along…

 

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Finally, screenwriting

I have finally begun writing a fucking script!  I’ve been telling myself since graduation from Humber “Brie, write a spec script, Brie, write a spec script.  Do it do it do it now!”  But I didn’t.  I don’t know why?  Procrastination?  I guess it’s because I can always go out somewhere and perform.  It’s easy to put off writing by justifying the fact that you need to go out and do and see shows; to stay connected and to make sure people out in the community remember your face and that you do in fact, live and breathe.  However, equally, it’s important to have a base of written work in case someone asks you to write for their TV shows one of these days.  (Or so I dream.)

I decided not to write a spec script.  Rather, I’ve had an idea mulling around the ol’ brain box for a number of years now, and I’m finally putting the ideas down in writing and creating my first script for a sitcom pilot. Of course we did work on similar tasks while at Humber.  We collaboratively wrote a workplace pilot, which was altogether a very interesting learning process.  But it was the entire class working on it, so my contribution was pretty limited.  Nothing you could show to an agent or whatever.  We also wrote pitch packages in our writing class, which was also an interesting exercise, and I was told to get writing an episode, but I never quite found the desire for it.  It was a fun project to work on, but I didn’t see the show ever realistically being picked up.  It was about army cadets, and I don’t think there’s a huge interest in youth paramilitary activities.  At least, not since 1945 anyway.

In addition to the writing of words, I also caught a few live shows this week.  On Monday, I attended the Humber College New Faces ’14 show.  (I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since my face was new!)  It was a classy show and featured a guest performance by none other than veteran comic Dave Thomas.  Last year, I left the Industry Show with a sense of joy, maybe because I knew some of the performers still, and I was still riding high from my own experience from the year before, but this year the connection was a bit different.  I now look at the shows more critically, thinking: “if I were ever to direct a show of this magnitude, I would do this differently, or I wouldn’t do this at all, or I would definitely consider this… etc.”  Maybe having taken the Conservatory program at The Second City has given me more experience and a different approach to putting on a massive revue, but whatever the case,  I felt differently about this show than I had in the year prior.

Then I thought about the aftershmooze.  There were some people I would really have liked to chat with, but the room was clearing out and it seemed like everyone wanted to go home because it was friggin sweaty in there.  Also, I felt like what’s the point of talking to someone if they’re really there to see and mingle with the people who just performed a huge show that took months of preparation and 2 years of training?  It wasn’t my night to shmooze.  Or was it?  Who knows?  Are there appropriate conventions to shmoozing? It was a great night to catch up with my ol’ teachers.  Ever since high school I’ve found it slightly easier to connect with the teachers than to most of my classmates.  I know.  What a nerd, right?

Anyway, it was a great show, and it’s always a cool production to see such young, hopeful talent rockin’ their jokes & performing their little hearts out on the Main Stage.  It’s also a great way to get motivated to get my own butt back in gear!

That being said, I also attended a show put on by a great Toronto improv troupe; Fake Cops.  Every month they put on a free show at The Ossington. This week, they had some pretty awesome acts.  It seems like a great show to be able to explore; to make crazy choices and see where that takes you.  To do a set where you end up covered in cereal, or to perform with a mic stand wearing a wig.  Either way, the result was laughter!  There was some weirdness and some messiness, but it was all good, it was all interesting, and the night had a really good vibe going on.  I highly recommend checking this one out (and I’d love to get on it one of these days, if any Fake Cop ever reads this blog.)  Passive-manipulative social media marketing.  That’s my bag!

Aaaaaanyway,  I suppose I still have a job to go to tomorrow.  I best be off to bed.   Bonne nuit WordPress!

My New Hair Doll

Maybe I’m ready to start writing again.  I had a pretty brutal couple of weeks there, but things are slowly beginning to become funny again.

As most of you might know by now, my itty bitty Peanut recently passed away.  However, she did used to shed a lot, so I have since collected and created a fur-doll with her remnants.  It’s almost as though she hasn’t gone at all!

 

New necklace.

New necklace. Why yes, that is regurgitated cat fur!

I’m also somewhat looking for jobs as it has become necessary since I’m on the verge of losing my current one.  I can’t say  I’m happy with my employer’s decision, so to make it right I will be spending my remaining time there repeating work I’d already completed to render my redundancy notice accurate.

My bridesmaid’s dress has arrived from China.  When I told everyone at work it was too big, they all congratulated me for having lost weight.  I didn’t tell them I ordered the dress 2 sizes too big.

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Just take a couple inches off…

My new sketchprov troupe (that’s what you call it when your troupe performs both sketch and improv comedy) “Red Herring” are excited to announce we’ve applied to our first comedy festival; the Detroit Improv Festival.  Fins crossed. I hope we get in. I really need the motivation to get my damn passport renewed. For some reason,  the call of chicken wings from Buffalo just isn’t strong enough for me these days.  We also have a few cool shows coming up in May and June. It’s always so great working on a promising new project that can actually go places, like Detroit!

It’s Spring.  The Earth is waking up and so am I.  <—- who says that shit?  

(I do. Sometimes.)

 

Sketchfest: 2014 Edition

It’s Sketchfest season again everybody!  Hooray and celebrate!  This year, I am not working quite as diligently with the organizers as I’ve done in the past, mostly because I’m too busy with the day job to sustain all the evenings of hilarity and drinking and fun times.  Fun times are exhausting, you guys.  Anyway, I have been checking some of the shows and so far they have been GREAT!

Speaking of great, I wrote another article for She Does the City and it 100% has to do with Sketchfest, so please go ahead and check it out:

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The idea was that I interview all the all-female troupes (Templeton Philharmonic, Ladystache, 2 Weird Ladies, LadyBusiness & She Said What) participating in this year’s Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival & find out more about them, their style, and why the readers of shedoesthecity.com should check them out.  It was a lot of fun.  I quickly became aware of why podcasts are so popular, because interviewing other comedians is really fun and insightful.  I wouldn’t want to do it all the time, because transcribing takes a LOT of time, but the sitting down and talking to funny and interesting, hardworking and genuinely great people was a lot of fun!

Tonight, I’m off to check out the Kids in the Hall (if only 16 year-old Brie knew how many opportunities she would get in the future to see these guys live) as they do a live reading of their film Brain Candy.  It’s going to be great!  I love how they all hated one another when they made this movie, and now they’re revisiting it as older, cooler buds.

As the festival continues, I will attempt to post more, but don’t just sit here and read.  Make sure you go out and see as many shows as possible.  This is seriously such a great comedy festival, a wonderful place to study styles and methods of performing the art and basically just a really sick party.

My highlights of the fest so far are:

  • Bri-Ko (but they’ve already went back to Chicago, so you missed them.  Sorry.  Check them out if ever you’re in  Chicago though, because they blew my MIND!)
  • Peter n’ Chris (they’re done with Sketchfest too, but you CAN check out this video pilot for their new webseries thing coming out, which is a lot of fun.  It’s called Hardly Men and you can catch a glimpse here: