My Friend Dale

Curses! Did you think I didn’t know what you were up to? Well, I’m on to you, buddy!

What you might not know, my friend, is how badly I wanted to bail on it last night. I had it all planned out. I’d show up, ooops! A little bit later than I’d originally planned. Traffic, you know! And it totally would have been OK because it’s only 2 minutes. Those two minutes can easily be filled with more improv, or more break-time, sure. Everyone get more beer!

Well, I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t let you down. Not this time. Well, the material might let you down, but my physical inhabiting of the space at the time as scheduled was not to let you down. I couldn’t give you the satisfaction, of tuning in next month, and listening to me whine about how I STILL HAVEN’T DONE ANY STAND-UP!!! UGH!!!!

You tapped into this weird sense of duty, nay responsibility in me. You knew I couldn’t bail because you know how much I hate it when people fucking bail. I hate it hate it hate it Also, living with the guilt afterwards if I hadn’t done it. I’m very susceptible to guilt, (see: Catholic.)

So I did it. My two minutes (and then some, I’m sorry.)

Are you happy now Dale?

bjw3zlt

Thank you. I really needed that kick in the butt.

Struggling On

logo1On a day like today, the first day this month that I’ve had to work full time hours on the weekend (just Sunday this week, in the coming weeks it’ll be expected of me Saturdays and Sundays), more than ever I feel the need to promote the latest episode of Nick & my podcast; The Constant Struggle:

http://www.podbean.com/media/player/a28d3-56ed11

This episode was taped on Father’s Day, and we discussed the grind of getting your creative work done under not-so-ideal circumstances. I have a feeling the next episode is going to talk about more of that because this month I will have even less time to do the things I love, which is pretty crazy disheartening.

It’s getting more difficult to manage the balance of work and passion. Work seems to be weighing more heavily. Too bad I’m not a millionaire, y’know?  Anyway…

In this episode, we give shout-outs to:

  • Drop & Give me 20 stand-up show (Marc Hallworth)
  • Robert Ariss Hills (improviser, graphic designer)
  • Dan Dingwall (a dude)
  • Susannah Kiernan (triple threat)
  • Ken Hall (improv guru)
  • Alexis Bernstein (networking queen & creative expert)
  • The bird clock
  • Porter Airlines

Books & Movies

  • Save the Cat (Blake Snyder)
  • Whiplash (2014)
  • Inside Out (2015)

Podcasts

  • The Moment (Brian Koppelman)
  • WTF (Marc Maron)
  • The Crimson Wave (Jess Beaulieu & Natalie Norman)

***

#StruggleOn friends!

Guilty Conscience

I was all excited to get out there and see some comedy shows this evening after spending a bit of time away to “recharge.”  (Note, I’m not a robot.)  But when I got home after work, (first day in my new job, I might add) I started to feel feverish, tired, unwell in general.  I kept saying: “I’ll feel better in an hour or so.” But my condition didn’t really improve.

I then get to the point where my mind asks: “Are you really sick, or are you just trying to weasel your way out of going to shows tonight?”  But I DID want to see shows.  And I was NOT feeling well.  Seeing shows isn’t like going to a job you don’t want to go to.  You don’t need duvet-days when there’s so much great comedy to see on any given night here in Toronto. 

How to balance this self-judgement?  People say I’m too hard on myself, but  aren’t you supposed to be in this business? Should I have just gone to the shows anyway?  I’ve done that in the past when I feel kindof sick, and I don’t get anything out of the experience, I just sortof daze through the show, even if it’s a really great show, I don’t appreciate it. Then, I just go right home because I feel too crappy to socialize with anyone and I worry about getting them sick in turn.

Is this rationalization?

Is it just anxiety and over-thinking?

Does anyone else get this way?

Send me your feedback.  I’d be glad to have a conversation on the body vs. mind + guilt = more guilt.