Guilty Conscience

I was all excited to get out there and see some comedy shows this evening after spending a bit of time away to “recharge.”  (Note, I’m not a robot.)  But when I got home after work, (first day in my new job, I might add) I started to feel feverish, tired, unwell in general.  I kept saying: “I’ll feel better in an hour or so.” But my condition didn’t really improve.

I then get to the point where my mind asks: “Are you really sick, or are you just trying to weasel your way out of going to shows tonight?”  But I DID want to see shows.  And I was NOT feeling well.  Seeing shows isn’t like going to a job you don’t want to go to.  You don’t need duvet-days when there’s so much great comedy to see on any given night here in Toronto. 

How to balance this self-judgement?  People say I’m too hard on myself, but  aren’t you supposed to be in this business? Should I have just gone to the shows anyway?  I’ve done that in the past when I feel kindof sick, and I don’t get anything out of the experience, I just sortof daze through the show, even if it’s a really great show, I don’t appreciate it. Then, I just go right home because I feel too crappy to socialize with anyone and I worry about getting them sick in turn.

Is this rationalization?

Is it just anxiety and over-thinking?

Does anyone else get this way?

Send me your feedback.  I’d be glad to have a conversation on the body vs. mind + guilt = more guilt.

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