Days Go By and Still I Think of…

…all the great stuff I learned last week!

All right, maybe I’m doing it wrong. Maybe I’m a total dork, but I am sortof obsessed about learning about comedy. I probably don’t watch enough stand-up comedy specials on Netflix, I do read about it often enough, (currently on Bruce McCulloch’s “Let’s Start a Riot,”) and I suppose one of the big fears I deal with regularly is how much I should be “learning” vs. how much I should be “doing.”

One of the major problems I face with my own comedy is time. I have a Mon-Fri 9-5 job, which is great for paying back debt, but not so great for staying up late and going to multiple shows and partying until all hours of the night at the local open-mic/watering hole. (I do this extremely rarely.) I’ve tried to strike a balance by producing many of my own shows, thus giving myself ample play time, but also seeing many of the acts around town who inspire me and more importantly, who make me laugh.

Another thing I’ve just taken on, is the co-creation of the “Women in Comedy Toronto” group. It seems, so far, that people are really excited about it, and based on the first couple events we’ve had, it’s really evident that this is the kind of community group from which women in the Toronto comedy scene can really benefit. For example, last week Christina Walkinshaw came by to talk to us about her career in comedy thus far, her writing process, tales from the biz, and many other fascinating tidbits, and I tell you, it was inspiring!  I think anyone who was in attendance will tell you the same.

Also, on Wednesday, I attended the I ❤ Sketchfest event at the Steamwhistle Brewery, where they screened the premiere of Bruce McCulloch’s “Young Drunk Punk,” which was excellent, and I’m sorry I didn’t give it it’s own page, like I did with “Sunnyside“, I just ran out of time.

Which is my point. By this point, it’s Wednesday; I’ve helped a friend film her one woman-show, produced a 2+ hour talkback with one of Canada’s most amazingly hilarious female comics, supported my favourite Toronto comedy festival… and I haven’t had time yet to do any of my own writing or work.

Problem solved: Thursday, I booked, produced, and performed in a show put on by my improv duo, Exit, Pursued by a Bear. Friday, I produced and performed in Improv Game Show (and I won! Thanks again Maddox! [as if he’s actually reading this!])

And alas, the weekend called for fun family celebrations in Niagara, which are lovely, but don’t really allow for much writing time. (Nor should they. Family time is important, dangit!)

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, is that it would be nice to have a little balance. Maybe last week was just crazy, or maybe I’m over-committing to stuff. Either way, I’d love to know what your solutions are to feeling like you can never get fully on top of the multiple things you’re trying to accomplish?

My brother recommended I read Chris Hardwick’s “The Nerdist Way,” and it already seems like a great process for helping people achieve their goals. But I’m already looking at it like “I don’t have TIME to create a fancy CHART with all my WANTS AND DESIRES on it, and make it pretty with pictures?!!?”

And again, so much is the nature of an anxious person.  Sometimes we have so much to do, and we can’t just… take… a … breath. It’s always go go go. Sometimes what we need is to slow down, and only in those times can we think clearly and make a plan towards actually accomplishing our goals. Like finishing this damn spec script I’ve been working on for MONTHS. (The outline is now finished. Thank you.)

Sometimes it’s about balancing a crazy week with a following week of cuddling up with your computer at home with a nice (several) cup(s) of coffee in a cozy hoodie.

That’s where I’m at this week.  Until I’m not.

 

Advertisements

Guilty Conscience

I was all excited to get out there and see some comedy shows this evening after spending a bit of time away to “recharge.”  (Note, I’m not a robot.)  But when I got home after work, (first day in my new job, I might add) I started to feel feverish, tired, unwell in general.  I kept saying: “I’ll feel better in an hour or so.” But my condition didn’t really improve.

I then get to the point where my mind asks: “Are you really sick, or are you just trying to weasel your way out of going to shows tonight?”  But I DID want to see shows.  And I was NOT feeling well.  Seeing shows isn’t like going to a job you don’t want to go to.  You don’t need duvet-days when there’s so much great comedy to see on any given night here in Toronto. 

How to balance this self-judgement?  People say I’m too hard on myself, but  aren’t you supposed to be in this business? Should I have just gone to the shows anyway?  I’ve done that in the past when I feel kindof sick, and I don’t get anything out of the experience, I just sortof daze through the show, even if it’s a really great show, I don’t appreciate it. Then, I just go right home because I feel too crappy to socialize with anyone and I worry about getting them sick in turn.

Is this rationalization?

Is it just anxiety and over-thinking?

Does anyone else get this way?

Send me your feedback.  I’d be glad to have a conversation on the body vs. mind + guilt = more guilt.

Relatively Hardcore Girls & A Couple Dudes

 

I confess it was somewhat of a weird night at the Black Swan, where a friend/colleague  of mine just started what will hopefully be a successful regular half booked show/half open mic.  It was run by the wonderful Amber Harper-Young, who unfortunately had to absent herself mid-way.  Nevertheless, the show is called “Hardcore Girls” and it seems as though the premise is about getting mainly women (and some dudes) up to perform in an encouraging space where they feel comfortable enough to talk about what terrible human beings they are… um, in a good way.  In a funny way!  The show doubles as a fundraiser for “Because I Am A Girl” – a charitable organization set to empower women in Canada and around the world.

The audience  was composed of performers and maybe one or two of the performers’ partners/friends.  It was not a particularly receptive crowd – but it could be because they were so few in numbers.  OR the heat.  Yeah.  Let’s blame the heat.

I took the bullet, which I (and every other comic on earth) hate  – although it did lead me to realize that I need to try taking it more so I can get better at pumping up a crowd very early on in the night, because it’s a really tough thing to do.  Part of me feels responsible for the low energy of the room tonight.  Part of me blames the heat.

THAT being said, the chairs!  OMG, the Black Swan has some comfy ass chairs, which is highly unusual for a comedy venue, considering it seems the venue owners seem to want their clients to feel as uncomfortable physically as they do internally when they see a comedian bomb on stage.

It was nice to catch some performers I’d never seen before too.  It’s nice to broaden the social network.  Speaking of which, Erin Rodgers will be pleased to know that I did engage in an incredibly awkward conversation afterwards with the sound guy because I’d admitted to absolutely detesting the song he played when I was brought up on stage. (Seriously, KT Turnstall makes my stomach turn.  She’s awful. Fuck!! She’s bad.)   … I didn’t need to bring it up again after my set.  Why did I bring it up again?  Sometimes I just don’t know about myself.  It’s almost like anxiety medication permits you to say things you wouldn’t otherwise say – both in a good way AND in a terribly humiliating way.  And to Natalie Norman, who also performed tonight.  I hear you loud and clear about the chair sweat.

Here’s me wishing best of luck to Amber on her Hardcore Girls project!  I look forward to hitting the spot up again soon and hopefully the word will get out and more and more people will come check out this awesome show!

Fears & Closing

Rehearsals for our upcoming LaughDraft show are going well and we’re set to get into the space for a cue-to-cue tomorrow.  The only thing worrying me right now is that we won’t have as many people as we did at our first show, which was a huge success.  The difference, this time, the money’s coming to US.  The first show was a fundraiser for the Kapisanan Centre, but now, we’ve paid our dues to rent the place out and the rest is coming back to us, so we can continue to make videos and better content for our website.

This isn’t a plea to get people to come out to the show (well, maybe kinda) but it’s more an insight into my anxiety.  What if we flop?  I know we’ll just try again, but what if more people lose interest?

They shouldn’t, and I really shouldn’t worry, because the show’s going to be great.  I know.  I was at rehearsal. Now all we have to do is figure out how to end the show & we’re golden.