Guilty Conscience

I was all excited to get out there and see some comedy shows this evening after spending a bit of time away to “recharge.”  (Note, I’m not a robot.)  But when I got home after work, (first day in my new job, I might add) I started to feel feverish, tired, unwell in general.  I kept saying: “I’ll feel better in an hour or so.” But my condition didn’t really improve.

I then get to the point where my mind asks: “Are you really sick, or are you just trying to weasel your way out of going to shows tonight?”  But I DID want to see shows.  And I was NOT feeling well.  Seeing shows isn’t like going to a job you don’t want to go to.  You don’t need duvet-days when there’s so much great comedy to see on any given night here in Toronto. 

How to balance this self-judgement?  People say I’m too hard on myself, but  aren’t you supposed to be in this business? Should I have just gone to the shows anyway?  I’ve done that in the past when I feel kindof sick, and I don’t get anything out of the experience, I just sortof daze through the show, even if it’s a really great show, I don’t appreciate it. Then, I just go right home because I feel too crappy to socialize with anyone and I worry about getting them sick in turn.

Is this rationalization?

Is it just anxiety and over-thinking?

Does anyone else get this way?

Send me your feedback.  I’d be glad to have a conversation on the body vs. mind + guilt = more guilt.

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2 thoughts on “Guilty Conscience

  1. Kathryn says:

    You’re being way too hard on yourself for sure. If you’re sick or getting sick you’re far better to take a night off and try to recover than force yourself out. As you said yourself if you’re out when you’re sick you don’t have the same experience, don’t take in the show and miss out on the social bit – which I’d have thought would be one of the most important things – because you feel so crappy. Also you don’t want to pass bugs on. It drives me nuts at work or on my commute if I’m around people who are aick and forcing themselves through. I think it’s so much better to take the time off when you need to. It also helps you ensure that you knock whatever it is on the head and don’t let it drag on which would suck.

    Remove the guilt from the equation it doesn’t fit. Give you’re body what it needs now and you’ll feel better for it.

    Hope you feel better very soon!

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