Here are three things I’m worried about lately:
1) I think I may have fractured my foot over the summer and not really realized the severity of the incident until now, given I have had chronic foot pain ever since and my foot cracks in a way it never used to prior to the “Got-my-foot-slammed-into-the-heavy projection-booth-door-with-the-giant-air-sucking-fan-making-it-close-that-much-faster-than-a-regular-door” incident of 2011.
2) I think I’m losing my hearing. What? Either I need to get my ears drained, or everyone else should just SPEAK UP for Pete’s sake!
3) I have to be fitted for “contact lenses for lamewads with astigmatism” next week. What the hell? Like I’m not already blind enough, I have to have a funny-shaped eye? This isn’t fair, life!
And then there’s the voices…
clown college confessions 
I think you’re just getting old 😉
although that doesn’t explain the voices…
or the foot really
Maybe you just have a severe was build up problem in your ears and should go to a French doctor to have it taken care of a la Colleen… Want me to drive you to Givenchy?
Er… wax build up problem…