I’m home in Welland for the Holidays and I’ve been musing on the whole Clown College experience thus far…

My first semester at Humber has been pretty eye-opening, life-altering and all that.  I feel different in my interactions with people now, in a good way;  in a more comfortable way, but at the same time, not.  I’m studying and practicing an art that is opening up some element of my personality, which had been suppressed for a long time.  But now, the individuality, the uniqueness, the sometimes oddness of it is being encouraged rather than criticized and/or questioned.  It’s a truly fascinating process to go through.

But also, the fact that I’ve been thrown into several situations of social regression, I can’t help but think there must be a way to avoid the associated bullshit that comes with children not getting what they want.

Having come from a hardworking background of study (I did get my Bachelor’s degree, after all,) and employment (several jobs for the government and a management position in the private sector,) I took a professional approach to this course and expected the same from my peers, or, at least as much as is possible given the nature of our practice.  But when drama over such pathetic nonsense as romantic pursuits entered the equation, I immediately began to suffer professionally, and this, picked-up on by one professors, who noted a significant difference in my behaviour and decline in my enthusiasm about mid-way through the semester. That this was noticeable is seriously disturbing to me.

Is it because I’m a woman in a male-dominated field?  Probably.  Should I feel any additional pressure or discomfort or leftoutedness in this highly male-dominated social atmosphere? I’m learning I should come to expect this.  What I do not expect is to have to dread working with certain individuals in class lest they insult me or treat me as less than what I am for reasons that involve their own damaged egos.

I treat people with respect and expect the same in return.  Not the cold shoulder and no passive-aggressive condescension.  I’m not in college to find a boyfriend, settle down and have babies. I’ve gone to school.  I’ve worked.  Now, I’m serious about wanting to be a comedian.   If anyone haven’t figured that out for themselves by now, or feels differently, perhaps they should re-evaluate their own expectations from this program.

“Hallelujah, holy shit!  Where’s the Tylenol?”